I've never been kicked in the stomach by mule, but I had visions of that happening on Sunday afternoon. I was out at the bookstore when my stomach started cramping up. I felt so bad that I cut short the family errand-running and asked the Spousal Unit to go on the weekly Target run without me, which left me vulnerable to her impulse buys.
Anyway, that night I started getting chills and I couldn't get warm no matter how many layers I put on. I ended up going to bed at 9:00, something I hadn't done since I was seven.
Monday would have been a sick day if I had a normal life. I had three things that I had to get done that day and I felt ok enough to come in and plug away. But that night the chills came back with a vengeance.
Now, you would ordinarily expect my pathetic dispay of being layered in fleece, covered in blankets (one electric) with teeth chattering to elicit sympathy from the Spousal Unit. But you would be wrong.
She thought it was the funniest thing that she had ever seen.
She even went so far as to mock me, pretending to shiver and saying "I'm so cold. I think I'm freezing to death." Sometimes, I think God sent her to punish me. And I suspect her reaction had something to do with the recent raise to my life insurance policy limits.
I went to bed early again that night covered in a number of layers plus extra blankets and I was still cold. Until about 3 in the morning, when apparently my body's thermostat reset itself and I started burning up.
The internet isn't much help when you're trying to figure out what's wrong with you. by Monday I had it narrowed down to SARS, Crohn's disease, and monkeypox.
So that's why I haven't been around. But to make it up to you, I'm passing on a link that I found before my brush with death. Check this out. I can't vouch for the truth of anything in here, but it's fascinating reading.
In a strange way, though, this list makes me wish that I was famous, just so I could be on it. Taking some of my favorite comments, it would read like this:
D - Cheerfully amoral. Shouts his own name in bed. Rumored to be a regular at the Playboy Mansion. Excellent tipper.