I've never been kicked in the stomach by mule, but I had visions of that happening on Sunday afternoon. I was out at the bookstore when my stomach started cramping up. I felt so bad that I cut short the family errand-running and asked the Spousal Unit to go on the weekly Target run without me, which left me vulnerable to her impulse buys.
Anyway, that night I started getting chills and I couldn't get warm no matter how many layers I put on. I ended up going to bed at 9:00, something I hadn't done since I was seven.
Monday would have been a sick day if I had a normal life. I had three things that I had to get done that day and I felt ok enough to come in and plug away. But that night the chills came back with a vengeance.
Now, you would ordinarily expect my pathetic dispay of being layered in fleece, covered in blankets (one electric) with teeth chattering to elicit sympathy from the Spousal Unit. But you would be wrong.
She thought it was the funniest thing that she had ever seen.
She even went so far as to mock me, pretending to shiver and saying "I'm so cold. I think I'm freezing to death." Sometimes, I think God sent her to punish me. And I suspect her reaction had something to do with the recent raise to my life insurance policy limits.
I went to bed early again that night covered in a number of layers plus extra blankets and I was still cold. Until about 3 in the morning, when apparently my body's thermostat reset itself and I started burning up.
The internet isn't much help when you're trying to figure out what's wrong with you. by Monday I had it narrowed down to SARS, Crohn's disease, and monkeypox.
So that's why I haven't been around. But to make it up to you, I'm passing on a link that I found before my brush with death. Check this out. I can't vouch for the truth of anything in here, but it's fascinating reading.
In a strange way, though, this list makes me wish that I was famous, just so I could be on it. Taking some of my favorite comments, it would read like this:
D - Cheerfully amoral. Shouts his own name in bed. Rumored to be a regular at the Playboy Mansion. Excellent tipper.
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9 comments:
ok d, here goes:
boil a chicken, or assorted chicken pieces in a very large pot of water. after several hours of low boil - you may want to add more water from time to time...(no, i am not joking)- strain the liquid through a fine strainer or cheesecloth.
to this broth, add onions (whole ones- skin off- are best if you want the flavor but want to throw it out before serving),cut up carrots, celery, and optional fresh garlic. season with some original mrs. dash, dill, garlic powder, salt, and a few chicken boullion cubes or some chicken soup powder. (i suppose you could substitute accent, or some other msg product for the soup flavoring if you want...)
add salt to taste and serve with noodles, or rice, or matza balls for that good old-fashion where-you-grew-up feeling. bonus- the cub will love this!
or, have your wife find the nearest deli and get you a carry-out.
glad to hear you're feeling better!
Thanks for the recipe. Being in Grand Rapids, I'm about two hours from the closest decent deli.
Much to the SO's dismay, I am almost 100% again, and no longer a source of amusement. Well, at least not because of being sick.
Damn you to hell, D. I lost half a day's worth of productivity courtesy of the A List. It's like crack, only worse.
D- Glad to hear you're feeling better! I'd lean toward the Monkeypox if only to be able to go around telling people I survived but it's up to you.
Now I realize you have an actual paying job but if you could just devote a little more time to the blog, readers like myself wouldn't have to actually "work" to make the minutes tick by in the office.
The Spousal Unit's reaction to your plight is as common for women as it is misunderstood by men. We've all been there brother.
My husband had the same thing just after Christmas - I thought he was overplaying it a bit but he claims it took him a whole week before he felt better.
You should never, ever, ever try to figure out what's wrong with you by typing symptoms into an Internet search engine. Whatever was initially wrong with you, add on "hypochondria" once you've finished that terrifying and largely inaccurate Google Search.
Ok, I was bored so I read the whole list. I now know too much, far more than i needed too. Man, that was harsh.
Hope u are feeling better D.
I'm doing much better, Vixen. Sometimes you just have to play hurt.
That list is the work of the Devil though. I've read it about three times all the way through.
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