Genius of Love VIII - I Should Have Cheated

Messing around behind your girlfriend's back is wrong. Messing around behind your girlfriend's back with her friend is a Bad Thing.

I've usually gotten along well with my old girlfriends' friends. Hanging out with them occasionally created the Perfect Storm of Attraction. When I was hanging out with a girlfriend, I felt generally comfortable so I made jokes and told my stories to the group(the "great guy" factor). I wasn't trying to hit on her friends (so their guards were down) and I was naturally paying the most attention to my girlfriend. Due to twisted human nature, when these factors combined sometimes one of my girlfriend's friends would abandon her otherwise good taste and irrationally become attracted to me.

Attraction is not a choice.

Of course, being a Bad Thing I (generally) never acted on it. But now, however, I look back on two instances where I regret not doing a Bad Thing.

Back in undergrad (you know, when my life was actually interesting), my girlfriend Shelley's sorority sister from her pre-transfer college came up to visit for a few days. I was crossing a lot of racial and socio-economic lines in this relationship, so Shelley warned me that her friend Susan might be a little uncomfortable with our relationship.

The first night, she was a little uncomfortable. But by the end of the evening she learned that I was a hell of a guy. Shelley had a heavy class schedule the next day, and I only had one class that day, with a psych professor who was nicknamed "Dr. Sex, so Susan hung out with me for most of the day.

Now, I'm a little "challenged" when it comes to picking up cues that a women might be interested in me. But as the day went on, as I walked her around campus and town, she threw out signals that even I could pickup on. She asked me what I thought about her body compared to Shelley's. She asked me whether I could use regular-sized condoms or had to use the larger ones. You know, subtle stuff.

I dropped her off at Shelley's dorm room and went to my room for awhile. Shortly thereafter she knocked on my door. She made a map for me of her campus at the School for the Financially Gifted, showing me where her sorority house was and gave me her contact information. She hung out for awhile laying on my bed and was all up in my personal space. I thought about making a move but, again, this would have been a Bad Thing.

At least in theory. In retrospect, Shelley and I didn't have the most stable relationship. When she went on Spring Break, she said she'd bring me something back. I said "I hope it's curable." But still, I didn't cross the line.

I should have. A couple of months later, Shelley ended up hooking back up with her ex-boyfriend during the waning days of our relationship, which I found out by reading her diary (yes, another Bad Thing).

Again, all relationships are battles of will. If I had messed around with Susan, I would have had more power in the relationship. So I should have cheated on principle alone.

The next time was during law school. I dating Audra but made it clear that I didn't want a committed relationship. She started going out with another guy but wasn't serious about it, and would frequently come by my apartment after a leaving early for the date. For one of the rare times in my life, I was in control of the relationship (remember, whoever cares the least controls the relationship.)

During this time, we hung out with Audra's friend, who now that I think about it, was also named Susan (either that or I'm being lazy in changing the names.) Susan's claim to fame was that she wore a G-cup bra. So, of course, I made jokes about it calling her "Geez", because I figured that's what guys said when she unfurled those things. Now naturally, she wasn't a small girl, but they were still way out of proportion for her frame. Susan occasionally called me, under the pretext of seeing if Audra was there but would stay on the phone, frequently bragging to me about her past sexual exploits.

Eventually the other guy started to win Audra over because he was ready and willing to commit. Of course, that meant that I lost control of the situation. Typically, this meant that now I was willing to commit to get her back. But it was too late.

Susan took advantage of the situation, she'd call and tell me how serious Audra's relationship was and that I should start going out with other people. Maybe, I should go out with her, she said. You know, just to show Audra that I'm moving on.

But again, my focus was to get Audra back. Well, in hindsight it was to get the power back, but I didn't know that at the time. But either way, I didn't take up Susan on her offer. I knew if I had, that would have been a deal-killer with Audra.

I ended up winning Audra back. Predictably though once I had the power back, I was no longer interested in a committed relationship with her and ended up with another women about a month later (bastard). So, in retrospect, I should have taken Susan up on her offer.

I never saw the G's.

The moral of the story is men, cheating is never morally right. But if you're reasonably sure you're not going to marry your girlfriend and her friend hits on you, years later you may regret passing it up.

And for women, don't trust any friend named Susan.