I'm Sexy, Dammit!

Basic Instinct 2 had a dismal weekend at the box office, only taking in 3.2 million dollars.

It sure didn't fail for lack of publicity. Sharon Stone was all over the place promising that she would be nude in the movie:

People just are sitting there going, like, 'I don't care what she's saying, I don't care what she's saying, I just want to know, does she get naked in that movie? Is she naked? Nude? Nude? Naked? Do I see her boobies? I don't care what she's saying, I don't care, I don't care, is she naked?' So let's just get through to that ... YES!

People stayed away in droves.

I'm not saying that women pushing 50 can't be sexy. What I am saying is that what was sexy for Sharon Stone when she was in her early thirties, may not necessarily work now that she is approaching the half-century mark.

The poster for the movie teases the infamous leg crossing scene in Basic Instinct. I'm braving hate mail and comments for this, but no one wants to be flashed by a 50 year old. It has nothing to do with their physical shape. It's just after a certain age, "obvious" sexuality and exhibitionism just isn't right. There's a reason there's no Girls Gone Wild: AARP Edition. I'm sure Sharon Stone is in great shape and is justifiably proud of her body. I'm just saying that she may have overestimated its appeal to the male movie going audience.

This is a little off subject here, but years ago, I went to a previous employer's Christmas party. This party was unusual because spouses and significant others weren't invited. So there were lots of mostly innocent intermingling with the staff. For reasons that still escape me, that night I was a golden girl magnet. I spent most of the evening evading the amorous advances of one woman who, how can I put this... was eligible to withdraw from her 401k without penalty.

At another point that evening I ended up slow dancing to Bob Seger's "Like a Rock" with another woman who hadn't paid full price for a movie in about five years. Never has a song's title been so inapplicable.

At yet another point in the evening, I ended up getting flashed by yet another woman who was showing off what great work her plastic surgeon did after her masectomy. This must have been what being Tom Jones is like. Of course, I've been scarred since accidentally walking in on my grandmother changing when I was younger. I spent the next several years insisting that she had four arms.

But back to my point, I'm not saying that there aren't any sexy 50 year old women. I'm merely stating that a 50 year old who tries to act like a 25 year old probably isn't taking advantage of what works best for her.

I haven't seen Basic Instinct 2. But I imagine there's a scene in it like this:

Sharon Stone: (seductively) I'm really hot. Aren't you hot too?
Male Lead: Uh, no it's actually kinda chilly in here.
SS: (invading his personal space and whispering) Are you sure, because I'm really hot? Maybe I should take something off?
ML: (a little scared) No, that's not necessary. It's not warm in here at all.
SS: (now annoyed) Are you sure, because I'm really burning up! Do you have a fan in here?
ML: I can open a window, but it's like 40 degrees out.
SS: (sweating profusely and fanning herself) Would you mind? Whew. I'm sorry. This seems to happen to me pretty frequently lately.