I'm sorry that I've been AWOL. Moving this blog to NYC took a lot out of me. Plus, I had an emergency on the West Coast to take care of at my public relations firm in Los Angeles.
This is what kept me busy:
LOS ANGELES, CA, . I would like to take this opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings regarding the incident over the weekend that involved my client Mel Gibson. Mr. Gibson is responsible for some of the world's most beloved films, including Bird on a Wire, The Man Without A Face, Air America, and maybe Tango and Cash, though I'd have to check.
First and foremost, I would like to state unequivocally that Mr. Gibson is not an anti-Semite. His alleged statements were completely misquoted and misconstrued. The reckless media has reported that Mr. Gibson told a police officer that Jewish people "were responsible for all the wars in the world." What Mr. Gibson actually said was that they were responsible for The War of The Worlds, a movie that Mr. Gibson recently rented and enjoyed tremendously and which was, in fact, directed by Steven Spielberg.
Further, although Mr. Gibson had a blood alcohol content of .12 percent, we cannot look at that figure in a vacuum. Mr. Gibson, although born in New York, was raised in Australia, a land where alcoholic beverages have a much higher content. Unlike Americans, who are internationally known to be lightweights at alcohol consumption, Australians are able to have blood alcohol levels approaching .20 percent before they even get a buzz. Even sober Australians have a baseline blood alcohol content of at least .06 percent.
The media's insensitivity to Australians is also shown by highlighting that Mr. Gibson may have called a female police officer "Sugartits." As most people know, Australians are beloved in America for their charming colloquialisms, like "bonzer," "shrimp on the barbie," and "You call that a knife? Now that's a knife." In Australia, Sugartits is a term of great reverence and affection.
Mr. Gibson looks forward to returning to his craft and continuing a career in making movies spoken entirely in dead languages.
10 comments:
The ABC television network has cancelled a mini-series about the Holocaust it was developing with Mel Gibson, after the actor launched into an anti-Semitic tirade during his arrest for drink-driving
No, I am not kidding
So it's come to this! I can't believe how we've gotten so "PC obsessed" in this country that a person can't even go on a good random drunken anti-jew rant without risk of the "bigot" label!
Personally, I really HATE stupid people. All the same I think I would need a much higher blood alcohol level than Mel to just start spouting off about them unprovoked. After all, you never know if someone around you might be related to one. They ARE everywhere anymore.
But like Mel, I am NOT a bigot!!! Why, some of my best friends are stupid! I just wouldn't want one marrying my daughter, that's all. Who would?! Zat make me a bigot?? I THINK NOT!!!
Sissy, I love you. It's too bad I'm no longer in Grand Rapids.
"What Mr. Gibson actually said was that they were responsible for The War of The Worlds, a movie that Mr. Gibson recently rented and enjoyed tremendously and which was, in fact, directed by Steven Spielberg."
That is too funny! :)
We (Australians) don't say 'Shrimp on the barbie'. We call them Prawns. The only reason we would say 'Throw another shrimp on the barbie' is because it reminds us of when Americans do really bad impersonations of Australians
Mekon,
The next thing you'll tell me is that Mel Gibson wasn't in Tango and Cash
I'm sorry, but are you referencing "Bird on a Wire" to try to IMPROVE Mr. Gibson's standing? That's like saying that Harrison Ford is beloved for his work in "Regarding Henry".
D,
I won't tell you that but I will let you know that I used to ride a Kangaroo to school
that was your best post yet.
but can you do it without italics?
it's fuggen hard to read.
Have you seen this post from McSweeneys.net? Absolutely hilarious.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/8/2molyneuxdyckman.html
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