Like clockwork, fall weather arrived in Michigan the first weekend after Labor Day. And with it, women have put their breasts away for winter storage. Sure, we may get an Indian Summer and a few nice days between now and the spring, but cleavage season is over.I'm saddened by this. Low cut tops are being replaced by bulky outerwear and comfort foods. Sure, I may occasionally catch a good pair nicely framed under a cashmere sweater, but it's not the same.
The only thing that is keeping me from full blown depression is that Justin Timberlake has promised to bring SexyBack.
But this onsetting depression has brought a revelation. I've long believed that I have Seasonal Affect Disorder, or the "Winter Blues," which is caused by lack of sunlight. But maybe, all this time, it's been something else.
I believe that I actually have a condition known as Breast Deprivation Disorder (I can't tell you how much I wanted to think of a euphemism for breasts that started with D, so that I could have called this nicknamed this condition "Triple Ds," but there really aren't any good ones out there. I googled and everything. I just don't think people call breasts "dumplings" or "doodads").
Anyway, BDD is often misdiagnosed as SAD. because the onset usually occurs about the same time, in the late fall and early winter. These conditions can also be treated similarly. A person suffering from SAD will usually show mood elevation after about 30 minutes of sunlight exposure. Fortunately, BDD sufferers show marked improvement after only about 30 seconds of exposure to cleavage.
Artificial sunlight will also help SAD suffers. With BDD, exposure to artificial breasts may actually cure symptoms quicker and more effectively than natural breasts depending on the source. So if you see me visiting a gentlemen's establishment, remember it's for a medical condition, no matter what my health insurer says.
Millions of men in the northern states are afflicted with BDD. Although there is no known cure for BDD, it can be treated. With your e-mailed pictures and monetary donations, together we can beat this terrible disease.
Won't you please help?
15 comments:
BDD is a silent killer. What most don't know is that it effects women more so than men. The inner struggle and battlecry from boobs that just want freedom is almost too much for most women to bear. They feel like oppressors in a cold, harsh world. This is compounded by the fact that during this dormant season most of the keepers of breasts are no longer receiving the encouragement they used to get. Warmth and loving support are the best cures. If you know someone who may be suffering from BDD, please, lend a hand...
Let's start a support group!
I was thinking of writing something about our recent change in weather, too. Somehow, I think you summed it up much better than I could have by talking about leaves and temperatures.
BTW, D euphamism: Dirty pillows?
Oh, and euphamism is itself a euphemism for euphemism.
Don't you mean 'The No Visible Means of Support' Group? (I am a woman old enough to remember that particular brand of Playtex bra...)
I think The Boyfriend™ has a mild form of BDD. I'm determinded to help him find relief from his symptoms. Tonight.
Sharkbait: When I lived in Cancun, during the winter months, I used to see so many women suffering the symptoms of such terrible disease. Several of them would set their breasts free after a couple of shots of a well known inhibitor (tequila). At that point, I didn’t know I was helping a woman affected with female – BDD; I lent a hand to as many as I could… selflessly.
I have seen the effects on these women, please help.
The lower states are the cure! Just like the geese and the snowbirds, you need to head south to avoid the effects of BDD.
Is this a trick to get me to send you another picture of my boobs?
Stace
http://couldntstayaway.blogspot.com
Whatever works, Stace.
What is this "fall weather" you speak of?
We still have plenty of cleavage season ahead of us...
I think this is why football, and its better known cousin, cheerleaders' huge giant massive boobies, begins just as the weather starts sucking, as Television's valiant effort to combat BDD.
Here is my doantion to your cause.
http://geology.csupomona.edu/alert/mineral/cleavage.htm
This is what you meant, no?
I was supposed to put them away?
This explains why I tend to hang out at the strip joints around the winter months :-)
I live in Michigan and hate to put mine away for winter. I've posted some exhibitionist photos to get me through the long cold months.
You have to go to older posts to get to the photos.
http://macaxe.blogspot.com/
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